Self-Importance vs Gratitude

¡Hola! Everybody…
No debating day today!

Rippa, I expect a plate of food when I knock on your door (imma getcha sucka! I know where you live! LOL!), Iris: if I don’t get at least one of those fookin loaves you baked, we’re gonna have big problems (I know where you work! LOL!). Nina? Your son is no boy, he’s a man and prolly jerkin’ off on a regular. What? I’m just sayin’. Debs: I wanna follow the directions on your ass tat.

I’m kidding!

Just (please!) everybody: be careful out there. Enjoy the moments, for that is all we have. Here’s to a safe and happy holiday for everyone.

Me? I’m going to do several hours of service early in the day with a group of my closest friends and then later a few us will do the “single guys” rounds of all the homes offering food. LOL!

Service reminds me that I should be “content to look at a mountain for what it is and not as a comment on my life.” What keeps life fresh for me and reminds me that that bum on the street? In order for me to keep my blessings, I must give them away…

* * *

Simplicity_ 012

-=[ Gratitude List ]=-

“For the trouble is that we are self-centered, and no effort of the self can remove the self from the center of its own endeavor.”

— William Temple

It’s easy to be grateful for the good things. It’s the challenging times and situations that test the measure of our gratitude. When things are not going well, it’s too easy to fall into the grips of negativity and despair. There was a time I walked around and felt as if a cold wind blew through a hole at the very core of me. I spent many years trying to fill that hole. But it never worked. No matter what I tried…

The drugs…

The meaningless connections…

The endless searching…

the manufactured self-importance covering my perceived smallness…

It never failed: no matter what I tried, I could never fill that gnawing sense of inner emptiness that seemed to define me. It was as if a shrill, piercing, and cold wind howled through that hole at the core of my life. Until one day, I stopped running and when I looked, I discovered that underneath all that garbage, underneath all that baggage, wasn’t emptiness, but a connection to a limitless wellspring of joy.

It wasn’t a hole, but a gateway to the Divine within me. And as I slowly removed the obstructions and the carefully and cleverly erected defenses, I discovered my Original Self in all it’s simplicity. And when I listened closely, I heard not the fearful banshee wail of a cold desolate winter, but a glorious symphony of many melodies.

I am thankful for all the pain,

all the suffering

I have endured at my hand

and the hands of others.


Each rip,

every tear,

every painful bit of it…

Because each rent of my heart

made me wiser.

Every insult

and humiliation

enabled me to feel

more profoundly…

and what more horrible sentence

than not to feel…

to be numb?

Yes, I am grateful for the not-so-perfect aspects of myself — the angels with dirty faces — because it was only by peering into the shadows that I was able to find and embrace the light.

Again, have a joyous and safe Holiday, my friends

Love,

Eddie

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