The following is fiction. It is based on actual events but I have taken huge liberties with parts of the story, the characters, and time line.
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Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. — Bertrand Russell
It’s so cold she can’t feel her feet. She’s wearing only chancletas (slippers) in the midst of a raging Nor’easter. She’s afraid and her threadbare coat hardly protects her from the 40-50 mile per hour winds. It’s the night before Christmas, Noche Buena, and she’s alone, keeping vigil outside a home in an upscale section Manhattan, but she’s here because her kids are in need… there’s no one around and she despairs. Her feet ache.
Her husband, Galo, left with Gangster with instructions that if she saw anyone, she should whistle. Now she wonders if she can whistle, her face is frozen, and they’ve been gone so long. What if the police come?
Finally, they come rushing out the building with stuffed pillowcases and as she run with them she falls, she can’t feel her toes. Gangster and Galo pick her up and they make their way hurriedly back to the Puerto Rican section of the Lower East Side, which takes too long and she’s crying, she’s in agony. Galo stops to look at her feet and mutters, “shit!” under his breath.
They hurry home.
They finally get home and by now, she’s crying in agony. Eddie takes off the slippers and thinks she has frostbite. She cries, but tries to stifle her cries, fearful she’ll awaken the children. Unbeknownst to them, her oldest son watches through a crack in the bedroom doorway. He’s afraid.
They call Galo’s sister, who takes one look at the stuffed pillowcases and looks down condescendingly at the young mother, as if noting her lack of moral standing. Galo asks her to look at her feet and the sister says it’s not frostbite, but that she should go to the emergency room anyway. The young mother refuses, afraid. Afraid of the consequences of the act she just helped commit and afraid of what they may say about her toes that throb with pain now.
They give Galo’s sister a gold watch from the stolen loot, and she’s delighted. It’s an expensive watch, very pretty. As she turns to leave, she gives the young mother another condescending look and admonishes them all for behaving in such an un-Christian manner. The young mother says nothing and thanks her for looking after the children.
The elkdest son remembers that Christmas as a good Christmas. There was food, there were gifts under the tree, and his mother seemed so happy though he noticed that she limped a little when she walked. She had a brand new pair of boots, the only concession she made for herself. She made sure to get her precious children gifts from “Guzman’s” — the toy store on Avenue C. I remember I got a James Bond attaché case, complete with gadgets and it even shot rubber bullets if you pressed a hidden button. I also got a chemistry set that I used for hours upon hours. She made sure we got our gifts before Galo and Gangster would leave with the bulk of the loot, returning only when the money was spent on drugs. She didn’t even get herself a decent coat. However, we got warm coats, gloves, scarves, and long underwear.
The son never knew why she was crying that wintry night all those years ago. He thought they were fighting — something that happened with alarming frequency and violence. But he was not surprised at her sacrifice — what she went through for what she thought would make her children happy because somehow she always made it right, even if it meant compromising her values or her reputation. She didn’t care, only her children mattered. Still, she was ashamed and part of the reason why the son to this day has perfect posture is because she taught her children to walk tall, with their heads held high.
Most importantly, he remembered all those years later, she taught her children what really mattered.
My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…