The Friday Sex Blog is an attempt at mature (and sometimes not so mature) talk about sex mostly from my perspective as a hetero Latino male. I have always tried to be inclusive or pluralistic in my presentations. IOW, I have tried to include the cultural and social perspectives of others, as best I could. However, as with all human beings, my perspective is limited.
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Kanye, Anal Play and Men’s Taboos
Recently, in response to a string of tweets by Kanye West that entailed all kinds of shit, including slut-shaming his ex, for her past as a sex worker, Amber Rose went public about her anal play on Kanye’s booty:
This made things really interesting because it got everybody thinking about anal play. In fact, the hash tag, #KanyeAnalPlaylist trended for quite some time and Kanye’s defense (what else could he do?) was lame. There are two ways to look at this. One, Rose was justified for bringing this up because of Kanye’s misogynistic slut-shaming. On the other hand, another way of looking it is to note the degree to how pernicious a force homophobia remains that an artist so outwardly secure in his sexuality can be so publicly shamed for a sex act that doesn’t even qualify as gay.
But you really cannot blame Kanye because, as a rule, straight men are extremely anxious about anything going near their anus because stereotypes dictate that any man that admits to liking his anus (or prostate) stimulated is (gasp!) a homosexual. The fact is that a sexual act does not constitute ones sexual orientation. In fact, one study I read stated that not all male gay couples engage in anal sex. In any case, enjoying a specific sex act does not make you gay or straight. As a society we have an erroneous assumption tying genitals to sexual orientation.
This is simply ignorant, close-minded thinking. Actually, homophobia has been interpreted to be a form of homoerotic wish fulfillment. That’s right, homophobic men (as quantified by psychological measures) were the ones most turned on by gay porn. These are the same guys who like to make jokes about “taking it up the ass” and questioning the masculinity of other men. More concerning, I believe the reason why so many men of color die needlessly from prostate cancer is because of this cultural taboo regarding the male anus.
As with most things, sexual likes and dislikes are culturally conditioned. If you were raised in a society in which the ideal of masculinity was measured in how adept men were at getting things shoved up their ass, there probably would be a Super Bowl celebrating the best at performing the act. You doubt me? Well, apply some logic to this issue. If you are inflexible in this cultural context, then you would most likely be as inflexible in another cultural context. If cultural norms dictated shoving things up your ass, you would be shoving things up your ass without question. Probably would be proud of it too.
There’s a biological premise for pleasurable anal play. There are two pleasurable spots in and around a man’s anus. The first location is the anus itself: it is very sensitive, surrounded by a dense mass of nerve bundles. The second is the prostate gland, located a few inches inside the anus towards the belly button, and often feels like a firm bulge.
As with the case of Kanye, most men are not very open to experimentation around this area, as enjoying it may make them question their masculinity. As stupid as this may sound, it is a result of the prejudice and lack of understanding. In any case, if you are interested in exploring this form of sexing, make sure to communicate with your partner in order to avoid bad reactions. If your partner refuses, don’t force him, but try to open him up (sorry) to the idea by exploring the area gently with your hands. He’ll slowly get used to being touched around there, and it won’t seem as big of a deal. And remember, by stimulating the prostate gland as he gets close to climaxing, you can give him an orgasm that is reportedly tremendously intense. Most men are unaware of the intense orgasms experienced via this technique and many who do, often like it though they loathe admitting it.
My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery from civilization…
PS: SEX — even anal sex — is good for you!